Feeling lost.

How it goes~

2010:

Ever since the start of 2010, i feel that everything in my life is going downward.
First, it started with going to the wrong course.
I took DID(Diploma in Interior Design), was actually a fun and interesting course, but it's really life threatening. Had to stay late nights and it's quite difficult to be successful in the working society.
Then i met this girl(Yanching) someday somehow somewhere.
Kind of forgotten how I really met her, but it's from a friend's course.
Got together with her on 1/1/11.
Wanted to change course so desperately, couldn't sleep, eat, rest peacefully at all.
Almost went into the army if I wasn't successful in changing my course.
It was quite a traumatic shit.

2011:

Succeeded changing my course, was so happy then.
Wanted to study hard as i was thinking if i could "feed" Yanching if i were to marry her in the future.
Results were quite good in the beginning.

Then, had many relationship problems with her. Feels being taken for granted, although i had sacrificed so much for her. Treated her well, took care of her when she is sick, gave her surprises, being sweet to her and every single thing. EVERYTHING. But she doesn't appreciate a single thing at all.
End up after everything, we got broken up at the end of 2011.
Felt the worst time of my life.
Results starts falling, as i don't have the motivation to study anymore. Don't have anyone to "feed" anymore.
Couldn't take the "blow" of the break up at all. It's another traumatic shit.

2012:

This year is so called the year of recovery, but nothing seems to recover at all. Instead, everything seems to have worsen. People starts disrespecting each other, everyone seems to be busy with their own life. Everyone seems to only find me when they are bored. Couldn't trust anyone at all.

I think this year I've changed a lot. It's quite hard for me to go back to those times when i was happy go lucky. Now, I feel suspicious of every single human in this world. Everyone, no matter good or bad, seems to have a motive. I can't socialise like how I used to do in the past. Started getting lots of fucking sicknesses.
Supposed to see a "brain doctor" but end up didn't. I just don't like the feeling of being mentally unsound.
Getting used to be alone in the coffee shop at night, and taking long bus ride home, lying on my bed in the dark room, sitting in the garden alone etc. Have been isolating from every single one in my life. It's hard to trust anyone these days when everyone seems to have a fucking motive. Have not been meeting friends for a very long time. Everyone seems happy and busy with their lives, except i'm the only one. Even Yanching is happy now. Sometimes, these made me feel that karma doesn't work in this ending world, when everything is collapsing. Everyone in this world is just an individual, not being together with anybody else. It's hard to smile like how I used to. Nobody in this world could understand these feelings, unless they were me.

It's been a long time since I'm able to see the future clearly, like how i could before. May someone in this world enlighten me.

Thanks for reading anyway (: