The Singapore tour 3.

Lazy to post anything.
So just made a video to finish everything.

[The Singapore Tour 3]

Before the end of the world.

Made this shit to sum up everything I had done before the end of the world(if it really happens).

To my sweetest ex-girlfriend Yanching:

You are the best thing ever that happened to me in my life. May God let us be together again in the next life, next universe. I'm sorry. I Love You. <3

That's all!
Hope everyone survives this fucking piece of shit.
Shall blog again if I'm alive.
Bye~

How can this happen to me?

Been tired of shits these days.

Have not been checking on my phone much these days.

Sorry to those who always called me and I didn't answer.

Sometimes I just want to be MIA for awhile.

Don't really like facing anyone these days.

Don't know what to say to anyone too.

I don't really care if anyone still says I'm changing a lot these days.

I am going to be what I am now.

I think I'm really going mad but there's nothing that I could do, nobody that really cares.

Wonder if the year 2012 is my 犯太歲 or not.

Different types of sicknesses taking turns to come and go.

Everyone enjoying themselves with their friends while I'm always home alone.
Being numb to all kinds of feelings.

Hope next year I'm much luckier.

Had done few charitable deeds to reduce my karma, hope it helps.

To those who always call me to chase me for whatever things you wanted to, hope you can give me a break from all those shits.

Sometimes, I just don't have the mood to talk to anyone.

I know you may have good intentions, but I just want to be alone for this period of time.

_________________________________________

ANYWAY~

Tour day 2

Went to the second trip of the "Singapore tour".

Took a trip down to Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve.

Was quite a rather short trip this time round.

So will be posting a short one to round up everything.

Found this scarecrow outside entrance of Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve.

Always met this same species of reptile of here(not sure if it's a monitor lizard/komodo dragon/dinosaur/alien).

Will be posting more shit next time.

Bye~

我怎么了？

Sometimes i really don't know what is going on inside me.

I've seems to change a lot this year.

Used to be a social butterfly and starting conversations and breaking the ice was an easy thing.

Always loved meeting new friends and socialising with people.

Always had something to look forward to.

But now I seems to withdraw from this world.

So many bullshits happening to me.

Changed my course in 2011, wasted one year of this life.

Couldn't sleep and eat well during this period, thinking that I would drop out of school and go into the army.

Everyone seems ahead of me.

Whenever everyone is free, they would ask me out to "entertain" them.

But they are always busy with their work when I need them.

But ended up saw them being with their friends on Facebook and Twitter.

Hated it when people talks about their overseas trip, or anything that they enjoy.

I feel like i'm missing out on something, and I feel so jealous.

Never took a plane in my whole life before, I totally love travelling.

But everyone else could travel, but why can't I?

Really want to see this world outside of Singapore, instead of being stucked here in this stressful country.

Everyone seems to go overseas during the holidays, while I'm stucked here working to earn back those money i had spent on a failed relationship.

It's really not my fault for choosing this relationship, life doesn't comes with instructions.

Really sacrificed so much for that relationship.

Woke up early to see her, sneaked out of the house at 6am just to reach her house early to see her, never fail to send her home whenever we go out(except for once when we haven't got together yet), spent all my past working earnings on her anniversary gifts and her birthdays just to see her smile,fetching her from school whenever i'm free, queuing up for Koi for 45minutes and deliver it to her at her school, skipped class to take care of her when she was sick, cab down to fetch her at school to bring her home when she feels giddy, etc.

Yet she broke up with me just because I was angry at her for not replying me when she was in Korea enjoying.

Sincerely, what have I done to experience so many misfortunes? I always give donations whenever I see old people selling tissues in the streets, even helped an old lady to pay and hire a taxi, helped people who are in need, talk to people who are feeling down.

I don't know how else to love her, other than treating her well, making sure she was happy and safe.

I'm bad with words, why can't she know that?

It's my fault for everything that happened, I know she's sad, but i'm 987654321234567898765432123456789times sadder than her.

Even after breaking up, I still did cared for her, even until now. Gave her her 19th birthday package, yet doesn't get appreciated. Gave her her "In case you miss home" book before she went off China for her studies.

I know i couldn't be there to take care of her, even if i could, she wouldn't want to see me too. So I gave her the only amulet in my wallet, hoping it would protect her when I couldn't be there.

I know I already exerted over the limit just for the relationship. Honestly, no other guy that she would meet in her future would do this much for her again.

Maybe it's my karma which I owed her in my past life, hence I had to go through all these to "pay back" to her.

I swear the next girlfriend I choose would appreciate me for who I am, would love me like how much I love her. Really don't wish to go through those times again.
It's been a year since everything happened, yet I haven't felt any better at all.

And also, I certainly swear that I can't communicate well with anyone in my polytechnic life, except for one close friend I met during my Interior Design life.

It's not that they are bad people, but I just don't feel comfortable with anyone of them at all.

Although they are helpful and are like "brothers", but I can't really communicate well with them, maybe we have a different perception in life, different style.

Maybe I just have to pretend and act like I don't mind at all, all the way until I've graduate.

Nowadays, I'm so different from the past I used to be anymore.

I tend to sleep late and wake up late.

Hate it when people joke with me, I cannot take criticism at all.

Gets so piss off at anything and everything so easily, unlike the past I could laugh at anything anytime.

Everyone seems to be irritating to me.

Always spend most of my time on my bed, or touching the piano in the room.

Getting used to hide in my dark room most of the time.

Spending my time alone at the coffee shop, I feel much peaceful there.

Walking around the garden alone at night too.

Taking a long bus ride home alone, instead of taking the train and seeing the crowd.

Totally hate socialising now, although I was once like a social butterfly.

I feel that everyone has a motive, and I can't trust anybody and anything at all.

Hate it when I see people enjoying.

Kind of living like a ghost. Don't really know what the future is anymore. Don't look forward to anything too.

Wonder if year 2013 would be a better year, or another dreadful one.

Everyone told me I've changed  so much. I'm not sure why too.
I feel so tired, I feel so alone.

Sometimes i ask myself, 我怎么了？

If you feel that I've been talking lesser, and making less effort to continue the conversation, I apologise for it. (: A lot of things are going on inside me, it's hard for me to talk like how i used to talk, think like how I used to think. For those who haven't seen me for a long time, sorry for the little awkwardness and hope you understand my situation. (: For the time being, i'm really sorry for everything. Still trying to find a cure for myself. Thanks for reading anyway ^^

Feeling lost.

How it goes~

2010:

Ever since the start of 2010, i feel that everything in my life is going downward.
First, it started with going to the wrong course.
I took DID(Diploma in Interior Design), was actually a fun and interesting course, but it's really life threatening. Had to stay late nights and it's quite difficult to be successful in the working society.
Then i met this girl(Yanching) someday somehow somewhere.
Kind of forgotten how I really met her, but it's from a friend's course.
Got together with her on 1/1/11.
Wanted to change course so desperately, couldn't sleep, eat, rest peacefully at all.
Almost went into the army if I wasn't successful in changing my course.
It was quite a traumatic shit.

2011:

Succeeded changing my course, was so happy then.
Wanted to study hard as i was thinking if i could "feed" Yanching if i were to marry her in the future.
Results were quite good in the beginning.

Then, had many relationship problems with her. Feels being taken for granted, although i had sacrificed so much for her. Treated her well, took care of her when she is sick, gave her surprises, being sweet to her and every single thing. EVERYTHING. But she doesn't appreciate a single thing at all.
End up after everything, we got broken up at the end of 2011.
Felt the worst time of my life.
Results starts falling, as i don't have the motivation to study anymore. Don't have anyone to "feed" anymore.
Couldn't take the "blow" of the break up at all. It's another traumatic shit.

2012:

This year is so called the year of recovery, but nothing seems to recover at all. Instead, everything seems to have worsen. People starts disrespecting each other, everyone seems to be busy with their own life. Everyone seems to only find me when they are bored. Couldn't trust anyone at all.

I think this year I've changed a lot. It's quite hard for me to go back to those times when i was happy go lucky. Now, I feel suspicious of every single human in this world. Everyone, no matter good or bad, seems to have a motive. I can't socialise like how I used to do in the past. Started getting lots of fucking sicknesses.
Supposed to see a "brain doctor" but end up didn't. I just don't like the feeling of being mentally unsound.
Getting used to be alone in the coffee shop at night, and taking long bus ride home, lying on my bed in the dark room, sitting in the garden alone etc. Have been isolating from every single one in my life. It's hard to trust anyone these days when everyone seems to have a fucking motive. Have not been meeting friends for a very long time. Everyone seems happy and busy with their lives, except i'm the only one. Even Yanching is happy now. Sometimes, these made me feel that karma doesn't work in this ending world, when everything is collapsing. Everyone in this world is just an individual, not being together with anybody else. It's hard to smile like how I used to. Nobody in this world could understand these feelings, unless they were me.

It's been a long time since I'm able to see the future clearly, like how i could before. May someone in this world enlighten me.

Thanks for reading anyway (:

Friends: Guys and Girls

I hate to admit it, but sometimes i really can't stand talking to guy friends. (No offense)

Guy friends

They are nice people who would help you, and always be there for you.
Hpwever, it's quite irritating when you get closer to them and they start disrespecting you.
They tend to talk bluntly, and tend to say things which makes you feel offended.
I just don't understand how some people can just speak without thinking how their words might affect others.
They may say things like "Why you behave like a dog?", "You are so fucking stupid.", "You wear like that look like gay.", "Your hair sucks.", "Shut the fuck up lah!", "Don't act lah!" etc etc
I feel that all these are just plain childish and immature.
I prefer being with people who would appreciate you for who you are, and not give any unnecessary bullshit comments.
I don't get close to people who talks without thinking twice, and those who doesn't even know what is basic respect. Sadly, this year I've met many of such bullshit people.
I think they really have little or no EQ at all, although they have quite a good IQ.
Sad to say, in my polytechnic life, I've met many wonderful and helpful friends, but i guess such friendships wouldn't last long, especially after we've all graduated.
It's not their fault, just that they are not my type of friends that i feel comfortable hanging out with. May we cherish these moments until we've graduated.
Secondary school friends are much thoughtful and considerate. At least they show respect to each other, and we are able to get along well.
Furthermore, i don't like hanging out in a big group of friends.

Girl friends

I think girl friends are generally much thoughtful and sweeter.

They say things nicely and don't give unnecessary bullshit comments.

At least they sugarcoat their words before speaking them out.

Even if they have something bad to comment about me, they would say it in a less offensive manner. Furthermore, they would say things indirectly, or not even saying it at all. 

To me, if I never hear what they say, no matter how much they talk behind my back, I don't know and I would naturally not care at all. Then my mood wouldn't be affected.

And they tend to have more heart-to-heart talks than those childish offensive topics.

Furthermore, talking to them won't give me the "gay" feeling, unlike when talking to guy friends. Hence, it feels better to open up more.

I don't know what the fuck is my problem. Maybe just the opposite attracts. 

I'm those type who would get closer to those who are respectful, and would drift away from those who are not. Hope those with negative bullshit comments about me, keep them to themselves.

The First Post: Tour Day 1

First post of this blog! Guess nobody would read it since i did not tell anyone about it.
Wanted to post it earlier but didn't have the time to do it.
So, will be posting many more that i had wanted to post earlier on.
Will be posting random shits to clear off my mind, so those who have nothing nice to say, just fucking leave this site. Thanks.

Tour Day 1

Went out with Wendy for the "Singapore tour" we planned earlier on.

Total, we planned about 4-5 tours in Singapore.

Feel like a Suaku local tourist. HAHAHA

Tour Itinerary: Newton(to see Hamilton Residense) > Tangs Plaza(Orchard Road area) > Takashimaya Shopping Mall(Tried the Durian Puff > Fort Canning Park(cut through) > Raffles City(HK dessert) > Hill Street(Supposed to try the Char Kway Teow but couldn't find it) > Beach Road(Chin Chin Restaurant) > Marina Bay Sands(Final stop) > Home Sweet Home

Walked to City Hall from Dhoby Ghaut via Fort Canning Park in the Afternoon. Wanted to go in the Battle Box but the ticketing is closed.

Had 桂花汤圆 at a HK dessert stall @ Raffles City Basement 1.

It's actually quite affordable. Mine + Wendy's = $7.30

Had Chicken Rice @ Chin Chin Restaurant, Purvis Street near Beach road. Not very nice though~

And the lemon tea taste bitter + sour. WEIRD~

Took a glimpse of Raffles Hotel. Classical romantique style~

Took an Instagram of the Marina Bay area. Love the city view of it.

Went into Marina Bay Sands. The Christmas decorations on the ceilings~

Looking forward to the next few "Singapore tour"~

Will posting about them too.

Thanks for reading (: